Does kindness matter?

Does being kind really matter? We all know that there are an almost limitless number of ways in which any single individual can be kind – a smile, holding the elevator door for someone, inviting a friend over for dinner – but do any of them really make a difference? Of course people may seem appreciative of one's kindness, but that's not the question. The question is, whether or not a moment of kindness, even if forgotten, changes a person in some profound manner. Does a gesture of kindness give a person something which they didn't have before? Or are these merely questions we ask ourselves in order to give our lives some existential meaning in a meaningless world?


One of America's favorite movies for the better part of fifty years, has been Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life. While we typically identify it as a Christmas movie, the message of the film reaches beyond a single holiday. We're all familiar with the story and the character of George Bailey. He touched so many lives without ever knowing it. Yet how many of us dare to ask ourselves: “Am I a George Bailey? Does my life have even a fraction of the impact that George's did?” After all, sometimes it's difficult, if not impossible, to be kind to people. Health, finances, or one's own internal state can hinder us in our efforts to be as kind and giving as George Bailey -- and even he broke down and needed cosmic intervention to see that his kindness truly mattered.

Unfortunately, no one in the real world is granted such cosmic intervention, which leaves us guessing as to whether or not our acts of kindness make any real difference in people's lives. For the most part, the only method which we have for determining whether or not kindness matters, is our own personal experience with those who have been kind to us. When someone has been kind to you, has it made a difference? It has for me. When I recall those who have been kind to me, I do so with great fondness. From those who have simply listened to me in my pain, to those who've encouraged me to push forward, acts of kindness have truly made a difference in my life, and for that I remain eternally grateful. Not just for the acts themselves, but especially for the people behind the kindness.

The frustrating part of being kind is never knowing if kindness will do for others, what it has done for us. People may say “thank you” for holding the elevator door, and surely they'll eat that meal which we've cooked for them, but will that kindness really mean anything to that person? Will they be profoundly changed from a single act of kindness? Or is being kind to others merely an act of vanity to comfort us in our quest for immortality?

The more I live and experience the world, the more I come to believe that kindness probably doesn't make much of a difference to most people. After all, how many times have we been kind only to have it thrown back in our face? The hope that kindness will change someone is no real hope at all. There is no real chance that being kind to someone will benefit them – or us. Yet, I will continue to be kind to others. I will continue to say good morning, and good evening. I will continue to smile at people on the street. I will continue to be kind to those who don't ask for it, and I will continue to treat people the way in which I want to be treated.

Does it all matter in the grand scheme of things? Is there even a grand scheme of things for it to matter to? I don't know. What I do know is that kindness has made a real difference in my life, and while there may be no “real” chance of it making a difference, there is always that slim chance that it will matter to someone, somewhere – and so I will continue to struggle to be kind, in an increasingly unkind world.